We've Got The Cover, Now We Just Need To Record The Album

First off, Chachi Hernandez is sweet.

Dear Chachi,
I require the most bitchin' Heavy Metal/Dungeons & Dragons album cover known to man for my forthcoming 20th-Anniversary retrospective re-recording ROQUE: REDUXX. Past and present members of the band will need to be represented as archetypal warrior avatars in the classic adventurer party oeuvre. Liberties will be taken to represent not the outer, but the inner fitness and badassness of said musicians. Some (TBD) will require battleaxes, and I should probably be an honest-to-God Viking. Ritual objects of conquest and vanquished foes (some of whom should definitely be orcs) should also be on glorious display such that it is immediately apparent to all who perouse the album that these guys totally kick ass. Don't forget the wenches.

Proof The Internet is Working

Among the search terms that successfully brought people to http://codyweathers.com/ over the past year:


pityrings skin disease
free note of manure
Instrument to see through tounge
what is the secret to the frumples
how do you apply horse manuer on the hair
looking for my soulmate in china free site
dreams a helicopter drops down and steals a dog
lucked up inside my madam cage
nasty picture of santa flipping the bird
monkey that eats bad thoughts
funky words to write cody

Because We're Awesome, We Are Canceled

We played a really great set last night at the Carefree Lounge. Evan & Tim were locked in, we nailed our regular songs, and had fun with a few last-minute additions. Our performance was energetic and musical, and many people commented on how much they liked us. We were looking forward to playing our second night.


But as you can guess, that's all moot. The ownership was shocked to discover that we are not a cover band. Perhaps it's my fault. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in my initial emails to them where I described our music as "original acoustic rock." Perhaps my songs are just so awesome that when they heard them, they simply assumed that I was demonstrating my mastery of the hits of today, and didn't realize that those catchy tunes were of my own invention. Perhaps that's why the owner needed to meet me in person.... but not hear me play or talk about my music. He was star-struck. He just wanted my autograph. And to negotiate paying me far less than a top-flight cover band with a draw would make. But I'm sure there's an explanation for that, too. I'm sorry, Carefree Lounge. Here, I thought I'd made it abundantly clear what I bring to the table, but in fact --yet again-- my awesomeness stunned you into a deep state of confusion. You're right. It's probably better that you have karaoke for our second night. Karaoke is much easier to understand.

Paying Dues Evermore

Of late, I've been paying more attention to Craig's List than I should. Ostensibly, I'm fishing for new gigs for me & the boys, or new likeminded bands to network with, but --if I'm completely honest-- I'm largely in it for the bickering.

Having children has made me highly-attuned to the tiniest hint of tension, and constantly ready to spring into action as arbiter for any petty conflict that reaches my ears. And when I'm not embroiled in true childish argument, I fill the aching void with the next best thing: reading the semi-materialized gripes of my fellow struggling musicians.

Of late, their bloods been a-boilin' over what they perceive to be the weedlike creep of open stages across the Portland music scene. Here are some actual caricatures to present the rabble-rabble arguments of those opposed:

CARICATURE #1: Rabble-rabble! Those durn venue owners and their confounded open stages! Tarnation! They're getting music fer free and makin' musicians pay for beer to boot!

CARICATURE #2: Rabble-rabble! You fool sucker musicians playing these open stages are ruining our tenuous grip on the market. BOYCOTT OPEN STAGES! Insist on fair pay for all musicians! Living wage! Unionize!

False, false, false, and false, sirs.

Look, I'd love to make my living from playing. I'm passionate about it, I'm dedicated, and I'm skilled, but get real. An attempted career in music has an arc. There is a ladder, and the bottom rungs exist to position you for your ascent.

• Learn your instrument(s)
• Learn to play with others
• Write something
• Learn to play in public (here's where open stages come in)
• Improve
• Book a gig
• Attract some fans
• Improve
• Make an album
• Book bigger gigs
• Attract the notice of the press
• Improve
• repeat, repeat, repeat, or so I've been told

Being an aspiring musician is more like being an aspiring astronaut than being an aspiring accountant. You've got to work as hard as you can, take advantage of every opportunity, distinguish yourself at every step and still come to grips with the fact that you will probably not make the final cut despite your dedication and deservedly-hard work. In all likelihood, you will find yourself resting breathless on a middle rung, still looking upward, still paying dues --too committed to quit, but so very far away from success.

Oh, and incidentally, open stages aren't generally free to the venues. 90% of the time, this off-night event is hosted by a professional musician who is getting paid. It's possible I know this for a fact.

Now, do some venues seek that bottom rung population? Yes. There are venues with only open stage nights. There are venues that book artists to play for tips only. But there are times where that is the right opportunity. If your band is comfortable playing open stages, you've got to move on to full-night sets. And tips-only gigs may be your next step up. Take full advantage of them. You need video. You need live recordings. You need new fans. You need a list of places you've played to help convice bigger venues that you know what you're doing.

Great musicians can find places to play. I'm not even great, and I've had no trouble landing small paying gigs within a month of re-entering the scene. But I still like hitting open stages to meet other musicians and to tune up new material. Boycott, shmoycott. If you want a living wage, go do something that has an unsaturated market value. There are fewer people who can effectively use apostrophes than can get up on stage and belt out the old sing-songs. I hate to break it to you, but this is a quixotic dreamer's life, destined for failure, but unrelentingly tantalizing to those that're bit.

The fact of the matter is that there are literally 10,000 bands who are failing more effectively than me.

The fact of the matter is I'm way better than 100,000 bands who are failing worse than me.

The fact of the matter is no one reading this post will make it big.

The fact of the matter is, we all deserve our shot.

The best things in life are FREE, and so is this new album, CINEMA

It's been 4 years in the making, and now it's finally here.  Sunhouse Branch's new album, Cinema: the long-awaited followup to "The Top Secret Band That's So Secret That The Members Don't Even Know That They're In The Band" that's so long-awaited that the audience forgot what they even were waiting so long for. A highly-structured concept album pivoted about a mirrored hard-rock song cycle based on selected films by Werner Herzog. All songs are in odd- or mixed-meter and employ direct metronomic shifts liberally. They are arranged to segue in two unbroken blocks (plus three standalone songs), moving immediately from one song to the next without pause. But the smarmy self-importance and unbridled snootery doesn't stop there! Sure to be the greatest undiscovery of summer 2009. Don't look for it in stores --secret albums such as these require the sneakiest brand of consumerism by only the dedicated purchaser. For a "limited" time, offered entirely for FREE as a track-by-track mp3 download

Shadows Round Table: Rock Band

I recently got an email from my old buddy Scott Farr. For those who don't know, I met Scott through ROQUE keyboardist Neil MacPherson, and later played drums in the studio for their band, Shadows. Scott has also infamously interviewed me on the old Torch & Bacon site.


But today, poor Scott Farr was in dire need of some expert assistance on a most important musical question --one with great relevance to millions of people. And I feel that beyond the lackluster entertainment I provide you, my faithful reader(s), this exchange in aid of Mr. Farr was a rare opportunity for me to reach out and do my part to cure one of our society's most pressing ails.

The Topic: Rock Band (tm).

The Panel: Neil MacPherson and myself.

Panelist Bios:
Neil MacPherson: Neil's about as talented and versatile a keyboardist as you're likely to find, with a new solo album out, as well as a really great, groovy jazz/funk album. He also was the keyboard player in Tubby, which had the #1 Rock song on GarageBand and also was a top 10 finalist on NBC's STAR TOMORROW contest before tragically separating.

Me: And well, you've heard my playing. Obviously, Scott asked me to be polite and also perhaps because of the aforementioned desperation. Really, will any of us ever know the twisted mind of Scott Farr? I can't see how we will, I really can't.

The Discussion:

---

Need a little advice… So as Neil knows from our conversations, I’m going to be Phil Collins when I grow up. That said, I can’t get my feet to move independently of my hands… so I’m playing Rock band with my kids… (who love it) and I’m on the easy level drumming, because it’s basically all hands and occasional footwork, but now we have to move to medium and a song like “Run to the Hills” by Iron Maiden or “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden have a ton of footwork and quick 1/8th notes between the hands an feet that are driving me crazy… I don’t want to let my kids down, so what is your suggestion for a non-drummer that needs to get his kids to the next level. (playing the guitar is not an option, as that is Bryon’s chosen instrument and it’s about the kids)… :) should I count the song in my head? Should I count out loud? I think I have good anticipation with my hands on the cymbals and such, but feet are a definite problem.

Thanks guys,

Scott Farr

---

Due to the fact that I also play a strictly hands-based instrument I will have to defer to Cody on this one. I will say that the method I use to solo over complicated left-hand lines is to practice the left hand lines...a lot. So much that I don't have to think about them.

Good times.
-N

---

Full disclosure: I've never played the game, so my advice is strictly towards the premise "I need to get better at drumming with my feet, pronto!" Forgive me if I miss the point.

1. In a typical rock beat, the right-hand hi-hat/ride cymbal is the real motor as far as a beginning drummer's concerned. You're going to be laying down constant 8ths with your right hand. Your goal is to not even think about this, just keep it steady.
2. Practice a core rock beat anywhere you've got a spare moment. Think of it as the "We Will Rock You" beat: two eighths on the kick, backbeat, all the while keeping your right hand going. You'll know it when it sounds right, but here's the pattern, where Foot=F, L=Left hand (snare), R=Right hand (hat): (F+R), (F+R), (L+R), (R), and repeat
3. For the time being, we're going to assume that as you count these patterns in 4, you'll almost always hit the foot on 1 and the left hand on 2 & 4, but what happens in between will vary. In real patterns, you'll very rarely hit snare and kick together, so let's discount those as well.
4. You want to practice different combinations of these as a prelude to just hearing what you want and doing it, without even thinking about what it's built out of.
5. When you get lost, it's like falling off the merry go round --don't bother chasing the spinning wheel, just stop, re-orient, and get ready to hop back on the next downbeat.
6. The following exercise will give you some common 2-beat 8th-note patterns that follow the assumptions above (I've broken this into bars of 2/4 to show each pattern individually):

RF R RL R
RF RF RL R
RF R RL RF
RF RF RL RF
RF RF RL RL
RF RL RL RF
RF R RL RL
RF RL RL RL

Good luck,

C

---

Good Job you two…. The game forces what one on my other buddies calls an “open handed” technique so I’m switching Cody’s R and L, but that is a great example that I shall diligently practice this week in preparation for our European tour… :) by the way… if you guys get a chance throw in “Run to the Hills” by Iron Maiden and check out the drum line… it’s unfair. :)

Excellent work you two… we are all the way through the medium level and are prepping to go to the hard level, which if you’ve youtubed it is basically impossible… still can’t play “Run to the Hills” or “Won’t Get Fooled Again” by The Who…. But we’ve been lucky with the song selection so far…

Scott

Why bother?

(message received from GarageBand.com reviewer)



"hi cody weathers, you don't know me and i don't know you. i reviewed one of yours and you reviewed one of mine.anyways, right now i'm at a crossroads and seeking your opinion before i choose a path. right now, i usually spend 20 minutes or so on each review in order to give the band some critical feedback. But then usually when i get reviews it's only 15 words long and it's some vague platitude with no real meaning. it's something like "cool tune, i like the guitars during certain parts." and that's it. i really can't use that for anything. i would rather someone tell me to redo the chorus or add something that i never thought of.anyways, i wrote you because i usually read your reviews of songs because they are great. and i'm wondering why you continue to produce indepth reviews when it would be so easy just to write down 2 sentences about nothing. i'm sorry i rant too much. let me know what you think."




(my reply)


Wow. You and I should go bowling. Naturally, I share your frustration with at least 50% of the reviews I receive. They remind me of haiku day in third grade with a bunch of grudging 8-year- olds finger-tallying their way through the requisite syllables in hopes of an early recess. I guess that for me, it's a matter of professional pride and the benefit of analysis that keeps me writing critique-style reviews rather than the vague platitudes you mention. If I'm going to do this at all, I want to do it as well as I'm capable of rather than embarass myself with an obvious lack of effort. But more importantly, I've really liked thinking critically about the true roots of my initial reactions to the material I hear, and forcing myself to justify and cite specific examples of problems or strengths. As I continue to listen to these songs, I feel that I'm becoming a stronger producer, and the patterns of my complaint and praise make me think very concretely about how I'll approach my own projects in the future. I hope you keep fighting the good fight. Cody