100 Albums

100 Albums, In Roughly The Order I Thought of Them:

Memphis Evans posted this idea, and made it seem like yet another meme that --were I cooler-- I'd be aware of. But I'm an idiot, so as far as I'm concerned, Memphis gets the credit for the idea.

1. Beatles: Magical Mystery Tour
2. Beatles: Sgt. Pepper
3. Beatles: Abbey Road
4. Beatles: White Album
5. Beatles: Let It Be
6. King's X: Dogman
7. King's X: Faith Hope Love
8. King's X: XV
9. King's X: King's X
10. King's X: Ear Candy
11. Boom Crash Opera: These Here Are Crazy Times
12. Boom Crash Opera: Boom Crash Opera
13. Sting: Ten Summoner's Tales
14. Sting: Soul Cages
15. Sting: Nothing Like The Sun
16. Police: Synchronicity
17. Police: Ghost in the Machine
18. Motley Crue: Dr. Feelgood
19. Motley Crue: Motley Crue
20. Motley Crue: Theatre of Pain
21. Def Leppard: Hysteria
22. Jonatha Brooke: Plumb
23. Jonatha Brooke: Steady Pull
24. Seal: Seal I
25. Monte Montgomery: Mirror
26. JET: Get Born
27. Tool: Aenima
28. Failure: Fantastic Planet
29. Ani DiFranco: Back, Back, Back
30. DelAmitri: Twisted
31. Charlie Hunter: Right Now Move
32. Charlie Hunter: Copperopolis
33. Suzanne Vega: Days of Open Hand
34. Suzanne Vega: 99.9F
35. Suzanne Vega: Suzanne Vega
36. Van Halen: 1984
37. Extreme: Pornograffiti
38. Mr. Big: Mr. Big
39. David Lee Roth: Skyscraper
40. Bonham: The Disregard of Timekeeping
41. Jeff Beck: You Had It Comin'
42. Darius Tx: Revelator and the Twilight
43. Lyle Lovett: Joshua Judges Ruth
44. Chris Whitley: Living With The Law
45. Abra Moore: Strangest Places
46. Garbage: Garbage
47. Garbage: v 2.0
48. Aerosmith: Get A Grip
49. Alana Davis: Fortune Cookies
50. Wire Train: No Soul, No Strain
51. Yes: Big Generator
52. Yes: 90125
53. Varttina: Kokko
54. Robert Plant: Now and Zen
55. Joan Osborne: Relish
56. Liz Phair: Whip Smart
57. Steve Reich: Different Trains/Electric Counterpoint
58. John Scofield: Uberjam
59. John Scofield: En Route
60. Charles Ives: Central Park in the Dark
61. Jimmy Eat World: Jimmy Eat World
62. Great Uncle Helmer: Old Man Will Travel
63. David Wilcox: How Did You Find Me Here
64. Dave Potts: County Line Road
65. Erin McKeown: Distillation
66. Kaptain Karl: Art Is A Lie
67. Alex Arrowsmith: Variations in the Pattern
68. Memphis Evans: Music is My Soul
69. Annie Lennox: Diva
70. Audioslave: Audioslave
71. Baby Animals: Baby Animals
72. Bang Tango: Psycho Cafe
73. Bela Fleck: Live Art
74. Shotgun Messiah: Violent New Breed
75. Shotgun Messiah: Second Coming
76. Shudder to Think: Pony Express Record
77. Tin Machine: Tin Machine
78. Tin Machine: Tin Machine II
79. David Bowie: Earthling
80. David Bowie: Let's Dance
81. Al Andalus: Illumination
82. Sun60: Headjoy
83. Samples: Autopilot
84. Stone Temple Pilots: No. 4
85. Start: Shakedown
86. Radiohead: OK Computer
87. Paula Cole: This Fire
88. Paula Cole: Harbinger
89. Pearl Jam: 10
90. Soundgarden: Superunknown
91. Sara Bareilles: Little Voice
92. Sarah McLachlan: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
93. Saliva: Blood Stained Love Story
94. Reda: Peace is Heaven
95. Red House Painters: Songs For A Blue Guitar
96. PJ Harvey: Rid of Me
97. Perfect Circle: Mer de Noms
98. Tori Amos: Little Earthquakes
99. Norah Jones: Feels Like Home
100. Medeski Martin Wood: Tonic

And for good measure, my favorite 10 of my own:

1. Least Significant Failures
2. Haardvark
3. Flame Cow
4. Guitool
5. River Dreams
6. Pronounced Snausages
7. Less Yackin' More Snackin'
8. Cinema
9. Checkmate
10. Fortnight

XMas Videos

Happy Holidays!  Here's our latest XMas video.



"Go Tell It On The Mountain"
Tim & I like to play our duo gigs kind of loose, switching instruments, changing arrangements, and throwing new songs at Tim without rehearsal (yes, Tim likes doing that, too --why would you doubt me?).  This song was no exception.  I threw together a simple alternate arrangement of modified chords, but the soulful flourish is all improvised by Tim on the spot.

Oh, THAT Yellow Room

I'm relieved that the Yellow Room Video Blog I signed up to perform for wasn't actually the one I came to believe it might be (based on a thorough skimming of 7 results of a top-10 Google search). I was preparing myself for some kind of hard-sell or con straight out of Mamet (because as long as I'm prepared, you can't possibly trick me --I'm simply that street-smart). Fortunately for the sketchy denizens of the other Yellow Room video blog, me & Ricky Jay didn't need to turn the tables on them with the complex reverse double-con we'd prepared, on account of this new Portland doppleganger is exactly what it seems: a video blog featuring short performances and interviews with top local songwriters... and also me.



I don't know what came over me prior to my segment, but I could not think of a single articulate thing to say as we chit-chatted before rolling tape. 100% mumbo-jumbo. Even to myself, I came across as some sort of mildly-nuanced schizophrenic as Peter Rodacker, host, asked me his rejected "surprise question":


PETER'S QUESTION: What's the tallest thing you can think of?


IN MY MIND: a skyscraper made of giraffes.


OUT OF MY MOUTH: Hmm. That thing.


PETER'S VERBAL RESPONSE: (beat) Yeah, see, it just seemed like the "surprise question" angle wasn't such a good idea.


PETER'S EYE LANGUAGE: I'm not drunk or high, but I see now that you are, yet I can't dismiss you entirely because we need to do something, and I'm hoping you're just functional enough to pull this off, but I'm ready to shut you down, just in case.








http://youtu.be/mUXR6UEazEU
Thanks to Peter & the Yellow Room staff for making me look good and feel comfortable alongside the likes of Tyler Stenson, Luke Redfield, Lew Jones, Tony Garcia, and Will West. Check out the full selection of excellent performances here:


http://www.facebook.com/YellowRoomRecording

Longstanding Nuisance Now Logically Rationalized

Ron Howard. Director. Auteur. Baseball cap wearer. Anyway you slice it, he's a pro's pro. I mean, Apollo 13, right? To achieve weightlessness for filming, he built an exact replica of the Lunar module inside a 747 and filmed during over 600 30-second intervals of actual free fall. The actors were trained in the genuine operation of the module by --among others-- the real Jim Lovell. He built an exact replica of Mission Control. They used a real battleship (USS New Orleans) to re-enact splashdown. Meticu-flippin-lous details. I mean, had it not been for one talking pig (an honest to goodness cinematic miracle), he would've won an Oscar.


So why is he just the latest Hollywood director to misrepresent the true process of studio recording?


It seems any movie or TV show that includes a character in the recording studio inevitably looks like a recent Howard-produced "Parenthood" episode I stumbled across:


INT. RECORDING STUDIO - DAY


All the MUSICIANS are gathered in one big room. They are spaced and grouped exactly as they would be on stage, facing an imaginary audience instead of each other. Each instrument has one NEUMANN U87 MICROPHONE above it. BACKUP SINGERS fill a CHOIR SHELL, hips a-rockin and each demurely clasping but one ear of the STUDIO CANS in place --you know, professional-like? No more than FIVE FEET away from these backup vocalists, we have a FULL HORN SECTION. There is something subtly wrong with both the spacing and constitution of the DRUM KIT, but it is overshadowed by the WEIRD GRIP the DRUMMER employs.


A PRODUCER observes the action from behind a large glass window to the BOOTH, with little eye contact, but NODDING APPRECIATIVELY nonetheless.


The entire ensemble commences a performance together, from the top. As the take proceeds, either the PRODUCER or the LEAD SINGER becomes worried, as if they had inadvertently swallowed a FRUIT FLY and waves the whole production to a grinding halt.


SOMEONE
What's wrong?


SOMEONE ELSE
I don't know. I'm just not feeling it yet.


FIRST SOMEONE
Let's take it again from the top with no real idea of what we'd like to do differently. Sorry everybody --all your effort has been and will continue to be wasted until we can get all 15 of you to play this perfectly from tip to tail. Incidentally, good thing you guys all have perfect time. Must be the weird grip!


And... scene.


Strangely, this fiction has become the de facto representation of the recording process in dozens of instances from "More Cowbell" to "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist." In fact, the most accurate representation of the actual process I can think of was "Boogie Nights" (no, not *that* scene), and that was intended to enhance the awkwardness of Dirk Diggler's naïve dreams of rock stardom (then again, maybe that's why it seemed so accurate).


Long has it bothered me, but like the noise of lasers in space, the ink is in the water of our collective perception, and there's probably no use cleaning it now.


Not that it's stopped me from complaining.


But now, forced to reconcile my respect for Ronnie Boy with my perplexed Caesarian horror (et tu?), I finally may see the true force behind the fiction. The truth is that recording is... well... boring to watch. And complicated. And counterintuitive. And most importantly, accurately depicting recording would take a lot of time.


So rather than show layered recording, punch-in/punch-out fixes, discussions of performance strategy, and the like, it is probably just easier to make the lasers go PEW-PEW!!

Spontaneity

Turns out you can't throw Tim off the trail with a bunch of songs he ain't heard --even if you make him play piano for some of 'em. Continuing in the swashbuckling, fancy-free spirit of our other recent "Cody & Tim" shows, I veered steeply off the beaten path with Saturday's set list for Elevated.


With Steve & Evan unavailable, Tim texted me in what might have been an exceptionally well-disguised panic, asking what instruments to bring. Playing his fear like the harmonica of which I am master, I told him to surprise me. [Insert "Mwah-ha-ha" here]. He showed up with no bass, just guitar. Touche, Krajcar, touche.

All kidding aside, one of the things that connects Tim and me musically is our multi-instrumental spirit of heady adventure --just like British school chums! Speranza once explained to a perplexed recording engineer that Flip Nasty's style was "playing four feet past the edge of our ability," and that still holds true today with The Men Your Mama Warned You About. My goal is to play the songs differently each night, and to that end, I favor bandmates who are bold and improvisatory, and I particularly value multi-instrumentalists. And Tim's no exception. While not a flashy player, he is nonetheless a great foil, taking opportune risks without completely abandoning the illusion of familiarity. He is unflappable and in on the con at every level.

So on this slow, rainy night, we wound our way through familiar songs with new twists (e.g., "Coyote" with Tim carrying on piano, "Puppy" in 6/8, building on the Leaky Joe arrangement), favorite rarities ("Love Is All The Gold" in its vaunted drop-C, "Along") and songs I don't think I've ever played live ("Rain Today," "Garbage," "Dance With Me Anyway," "Daughter of Our Enemy").

I figure I can keep playing for maybe 10, maybe 15 more years. And as I slowly set down the dream of somehow catapulting into a spectaculr rock star fantasy, and instead embrace my love of music as simply part of my balancing act of identity and spirit, it's these gigs where I became immersed in the task of performance that ultimately yield my fondest memories.

Sub Sandwich



(l-r) Me with 3 subs: Nate, Will, Scott
Rusty Grape, 2011



This past weekend, I played one of my favorite venues with a band made up entirely of short-notice subs.



One of the original selling points I offered to the players who became The Men Your Mama Warned You About was flexibility. As much as possible, I try to book shows that I could ultimately play solo, and let the boys join in as they may. However, some situations and/or venues require that we appear as a band, and in those cases, if someone can't make it, we have to adjust.


Our first choice is to make do with a smaller lineup, which is typically possible if any one member of the band can't make it. Steve's role as lead guitarist is the easiest to compensate for in absentia. In the event that he can't make it, Tim, Evan, and I simply fall back to our old trio lineup and fulfill our "band obligation." Evan's absence is also easy to work around --provided that both Tim & Steve will make the gig-- since I can resume my Flip Nasty role as singing drummer, and let Steve handle the chord changes as a Speranzesque hybrid rhythm/lead guitarist.

John Speranza on guitar, me on bass,
Paris on the Platte c.1992

Tim is the hardest player to replace.  The bass player has to know the songs inside out, hit every chord, and fit every groove.  In theory, if Steve & Evan were available, either Steve or I would cover bass (probably Steve, since my ability to sing and play bass live has been "kind of" sketchy when tested previously in The Stunt Beatles and ROQUE).

But if 2+ players drop out of a show, I have to find a sub if the venue's expecting a full band. As mentioned above, normally, I wouldn't try to find a guitar sub --lead parts are optional in a pinch, and my rhythm (chord) parts are too complicated to master in time. Drums are the easiest element to sub, provided we have time to line someone up. As a drummer (and erstwhile sub, myself), I know how to evaluate players for the critical qualities our situation requires (great clock, decent chops, range of basic styles), and also how to modify our set to make it friendly to a cold player (no odd- or mixed-meter, I count off & keep time so they can just follow & react). Bass is a problem. As with drums, it helps to simplify. Lead time is even more important, to allow the player to get familiar with the material. But ultimately, the pool of available bass players is very small, and the burden of learning 20-30 unfamiliar songs (you know, besides my big college radio hits) is steep. My first choice would be a known pro, if the share was sufficient to entice them. Jonathan Chase subbed a 5-hour gig for Tim with minimal advance prep, and was fantastic, but expensive. My next choice would be anyone who already knew my material by ear --even if bass was a second instrument to them. But I don't have access to a John Speranza, Derek Sanchez, or Memphis Evans here in Portland. My next choice would be someone whose musical sensibilities I trust, with some familiarity, and a knack for winging it. Alex Arrowsmith would fit the bill here in PDX. Past that, I'd be looking for recommendations from other players I know, then turning finally to Craig's List, hat in hand.



So returning to my pickle from this weekend, here's how the events unfolded. First, Steve dropped out because of work. This was fine, as with our Tim/Evan/Cody trio, we could still cover any song in the set and also meet our obligation to the venue to provide full band "entertainment" for their outdoor series. The scramble began in earnest when Tim had to pull out 2 weeks prior to the show because of a scheduling conflict. First I ran it by Jonathan Chase, but the share was too far below his rate. Then I asked Alex Arrowsmith, but he wasn't available. Then I asked Tim for a recommendation, and he said his friend, Will, could pull it off. I floated the idea by him, and he was up for it. I crafted a gentle set list, sent him recordings & lead sheets of each song I planned to do, and scheduled a runthrough. In a situation like this, I don't really expect the sub on bass to reproduce the recorded bass lines of either my arrangements (the John Fried parts or what I played on LSF)--I just need them to hit the roots, maybe dance around the 5th or a passing tone here & there, and find some way to lock in with the drums. But it's still a lot to handle.


With about a week to go, Will gave me a heads-up that he was concerned about how much he'd have under his fingers by the gig. At our runthrough on the Monday prior to showtime, he was solid, but wisely conservative. To take some pressure off of him, I decided to find a lead guitar sub for Steve after all. I'd shared a few bills with Scott Brockett in the past and knew he was friendly, dependable, and a top-notch player. He was up for it, and I sent him the same stuff as Will in case he wanted to listen through. At this point, I'm picturing Evan & me locked in and burning, Scott creating some freely-improvised counter-melodic interest, and Will holding down the pocket. In my mind's ear, this was going to work out just fine.


Day before the gig, Evan gets orders that take him out of the picture.


So I turn to my list. With 24-hours, it is thin. First, I offer it to Jen Brockett, Scott's wife and drummer in his band. I've seen Jen play, and she's just what I'm looking for: someone with an unshakable clock and good chops. But she's only been playing for a few years, and doesn't feel confident to play the gig cold. Next, I turn to my neighbor Bill McDonald, current drummer for Budget Airlines, former drummer for Camper Van Beethoven, and someone who has played with me several times before. His response: "Well, I've got another show next night in Astoria. I could do it, but you might have to put me up for a few weeks when my wife finds out."


At this point, it's hours until the show. I read every ad on Craig's List for "drummer looking...." and try to make some evaluations.


And now, a Public Service Announcement for "Drummers Looking":
It would be helpful if you'd include a link to some kind of sample of your playing. Possibly even more helpful than the 30-band list of influences that is the current centerpiece of your resume. That's how I picked this awesome dude, once upon a time:





So I filter through those with samples, find players who have suitable chops and clock, look for clues that they're not afraid to wing it, then send them emails asking if they want work TONIGHT. I offer an equal share plus I'll provide drums, set-up, and tear-down. In other words, show up, play, get paid. With each, I ask that they call my cell immediately if interested. As the time grows short, I send the same message out to a few players who have no sample, but some other factor that gives me at least nominal confidence in their ability (beyond their influences, that is).


4:30 rolls around, and nary a nibble.


At this point, I decide to load up my drums anyway, just in case, and head out to the gig. I figure maybe someone will call, or maybe Jen will have a change of heart, or maybe Evan will go AWOL. These all seem like reasonable probabilities.


As I'm dropping my kids off with Grandma, I get the call.


"Hey, man, this is Nate from Craig's List. Do you still need a drummer tonight?" I remember his ad. No sample, but 11 years playing, and looking to do something with more jazz crossover.


"Yes. It's in Battle Ground, starts at 7:00, and I'm headed there now. I've got drums, and I'll set 'em up and tear 'em down. You got the address in my email."


(pause) "Cool. Cool."


"So, Nate, here's the deal. I'm a drummer, and this is going to be a follow-along type gig. I'll be playing guitar and holding it all together. So I'm going to let you self-select, here. If you watched the links I sent you, you know what I'm all about. If you feel up for it, let's do this."


"Cool."


And with that, I hung up and hit the road. I was relieved that the scramble to fill out the band was over, but nervous at the prospect of playing a show with so much unfamiliarity surrounding me. Will was comparatively the grizzled vet, having played with me for one hour in my living room the preceding Monday. On the drive, I tried to plan for disasters and anticipate where we might hit snags.


But then it all went off without a hitch. Scott was brilliant. He soloed with flair and endless sensitive creativity, bringing a captivating new dimension to the performance. Will was rock-steady, knew the route through every song, and needed no life jacket. Nate (formerly with All the Apparatus) kept the pocket neat and found good grooves with Will. What could've been a catastrophe turned into a truly special show.


And now I have three new names at the top of my sub list.


 

"Christopher Walken" prefers his scat-rock sans flim-flam

Strictly speaking, there is *no reason* for you not to record yourself on your fancy video-ma-phone, reciting a blurb from my music calendar in your best Christopher Walken voice. None. Go.



And that is why Memphis Evans is a person I like.

We've Got The Cover, Now We Just Need To Record The Album

First off, Chachi Hernandez is sweet.

Dear Chachi,
I require the most bitchin' Heavy Metal/Dungeons & Dragons album cover known to man for my forthcoming 20th-Anniversary retrospective re-recording ROQUE: REDUXX. Past and present members of the band will need to be represented as archetypal warrior avatars in the classic adventurer party oeuvre. Liberties will be taken to represent not the outer, but the inner fitness and badassness of said musicians. Some (TBD) will require battleaxes, and I should probably be an honest-to-God Viking. Ritual objects of conquest and vanquished foes (some of whom should definitely be orcs) should also be on glorious display such that it is immediately apparent to all who perouse the album that these guys totally kick ass. Don't forget the wenches.

Proof The Internet is Working

Among the search terms that successfully brought people to http://codyweathers.com/ over the past year:


pityrings skin disease
free note of manure
Instrument to see through tounge
what is the secret to the frumples
how do you apply horse manuer on the hair
looking for my soulmate in china free site
dreams a helicopter drops down and steals a dog
lucked up inside my madam cage
nasty picture of santa flipping the bird
monkey that eats bad thoughts
funky words to write cody

Because We're Awesome, We Are Canceled

We played a really great set last night at the Carefree Lounge. Evan & Tim were locked in, we nailed our regular songs, and had fun with a few last-minute additions. Our performance was energetic and musical, and many people commented on how much they liked us. We were looking forward to playing our second night.


But as you can guess, that's all moot. The ownership was shocked to discover that we are not a cover band. Perhaps it's my fault. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in my initial emails to them where I described our music as "original acoustic rock." Perhaps my songs are just so awesome that when they heard them, they simply assumed that I was demonstrating my mastery of the hits of today, and didn't realize that those catchy tunes were of my own invention. Perhaps that's why the owner needed to meet me in person.... but not hear me play or talk about my music. He was star-struck. He just wanted my autograph. And to negotiate paying me far less than a top-flight cover band with a draw would make. But I'm sure there's an explanation for that, too. I'm sorry, Carefree Lounge. Here, I thought I'd made it abundantly clear what I bring to the table, but in fact --yet again-- my awesomeness stunned you into a deep state of confusion. You're right. It's probably better that you have karaoke for our second night. Karaoke is much easier to understand.

Paying Dues Evermore

Of late, I've been paying more attention to Craig's List than I should. Ostensibly, I'm fishing for new gigs for me & the boys, or new likeminded bands to network with, but --if I'm completely honest-- I'm largely in it for the bickering.

Having children has made me highly-attuned to the tiniest hint of tension, and constantly ready to spring into action as arbiter for any petty conflict that reaches my ears. And when I'm not embroiled in true childish argument, I fill the aching void with the next best thing: reading the semi-materialized gripes of my fellow struggling musicians.

Of late, their bloods been a-boilin' over what they perceive to be the weedlike creep of open stages across the Portland music scene. Here are some actual caricatures to present the rabble-rabble arguments of those opposed:

CARICATURE #1: Rabble-rabble! Those durn venue owners and their confounded open stages! Tarnation! They're getting music fer free and makin' musicians pay for beer to boot!

CARICATURE #2: Rabble-rabble! You fool sucker musicians playing these open stages are ruining our tenuous grip on the market. BOYCOTT OPEN STAGES! Insist on fair pay for all musicians! Living wage! Unionize!

False, false, false, and false, sirs.

Look, I'd love to make my living from playing. I'm passionate about it, I'm dedicated, and I'm skilled, but get real. An attempted career in music has an arc. There is a ladder, and the bottom rungs exist to position you for your ascent.

• Learn your instrument(s)
• Learn to play with others
• Write something
• Learn to play in public (here's where open stages come in)
• Improve
• Book a gig
• Attract some fans
• Improve
• Make an album
• Book bigger gigs
• Attract the notice of the press
• Improve
• repeat, repeat, repeat, or so I've been told

Being an aspiring musician is more like being an aspiring astronaut than being an aspiring accountant. You've got to work as hard as you can, take advantage of every opportunity, distinguish yourself at every step and still come to grips with the fact that you will probably not make the final cut despite your dedication and deservedly-hard work. In all likelihood, you will find yourself resting breathless on a middle rung, still looking upward, still paying dues --too committed to quit, but so very far away from success.

Oh, and incidentally, open stages aren't generally free to the venues. 90% of the time, this off-night event is hosted by a professional musician who is getting paid. It's possible I know this for a fact.

Now, do some venues seek that bottom rung population? Yes. There are venues with only open stage nights. There are venues that book artists to play for tips only. But there are times where that is the right opportunity. If your band is comfortable playing open stages, you've got to move on to full-night sets. And tips-only gigs may be your next step up. Take full advantage of them. You need video. You need live recordings. You need new fans. You need a list of places you've played to help convice bigger venues that you know what you're doing.

Great musicians can find places to play. I'm not even great, and I've had no trouble landing small paying gigs within a month of re-entering the scene. But I still like hitting open stages to meet other musicians and to tune up new material. Boycott, shmoycott. If you want a living wage, go do something that has an unsaturated market value. There are fewer people who can effectively use apostrophes than can get up on stage and belt out the old sing-songs. I hate to break it to you, but this is a quixotic dreamer's life, destined for failure, but unrelentingly tantalizing to those that're bit.

The fact of the matter is that there are literally 10,000 bands who are failing more effectively than me.

The fact of the matter is I'm way better than 100,000 bands who are failing worse than me.

The fact of the matter is no one reading this post will make it big.

The fact of the matter is, we all deserve our shot.

The best things in life are FREE, and so is this new album, CINEMA

It's been 4 years in the making, and now it's finally here.  Sunhouse Branch's new album, Cinema: the long-awaited followup to "The Top Secret Band That's So Secret That The Members Don't Even Know That They're In The Band" that's so long-awaited that the audience forgot what they even were waiting so long for. A highly-structured concept album pivoted about a mirrored hard-rock song cycle based on selected films by Werner Herzog. All songs are in odd- or mixed-meter and employ direct metronomic shifts liberally. They are arranged to segue in two unbroken blocks (plus three standalone songs), moving immediately from one song to the next without pause. But the smarmy self-importance and unbridled snootery doesn't stop there! Sure to be the greatest undiscovery of summer 2009. Don't look for it in stores --secret albums such as these require the sneakiest brand of consumerism by only the dedicated purchaser. For a "limited" time, offered entirely for FREE as a track-by-track mp3 download

Shadows Round Table: Rock Band

I recently got an email from my old buddy Scott Farr. For those who don't know, I met Scott through ROQUE keyboardist Neil MacPherson, and later played drums in the studio for their band, Shadows. Scott has also infamously interviewed me on the old Torch & Bacon site.


But today, poor Scott Farr was in dire need of some expert assistance on a most important musical question --one with great relevance to millions of people. And I feel that beyond the lackluster entertainment I provide you, my faithful reader(s), this exchange in aid of Mr. Farr was a rare opportunity for me to reach out and do my part to cure one of our society's most pressing ails.

The Topic: Rock Band (tm).

The Panel: Neil MacPherson and myself.

Panelist Bios:
Neil MacPherson: Neil's about as talented and versatile a keyboardist as you're likely to find, with a new solo album out, as well as a really great, groovy jazz/funk album. He also was the keyboard player in Tubby, which had the #1 Rock song on GarageBand and also was a top 10 finalist on NBC's STAR TOMORROW contest before tragically separating.

Me: And well, you've heard my playing. Obviously, Scott asked me to be polite and also perhaps because of the aforementioned desperation. Really, will any of us ever know the twisted mind of Scott Farr? I can't see how we will, I really can't.

The Discussion:

---

Need a little advice… So as Neil knows from our conversations, I’m going to be Phil Collins when I grow up. That said, I can’t get my feet to move independently of my hands… so I’m playing Rock band with my kids… (who love it) and I’m on the easy level drumming, because it’s basically all hands and occasional footwork, but now we have to move to medium and a song like “Run to the Hills” by Iron Maiden or “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden have a ton of footwork and quick 1/8th notes between the hands an feet that are driving me crazy… I don’t want to let my kids down, so what is your suggestion for a non-drummer that needs to get his kids to the next level. (playing the guitar is not an option, as that is Bryon’s chosen instrument and it’s about the kids)… :) should I count the song in my head? Should I count out loud? I think I have good anticipation with my hands on the cymbals and such, but feet are a definite problem.

Thanks guys,

Scott Farr

---

Due to the fact that I also play a strictly hands-based instrument I will have to defer to Cody on this one. I will say that the method I use to solo over complicated left-hand lines is to practice the left hand lines...a lot. So much that I don't have to think about them.

Good times.
-N

---

Full disclosure: I've never played the game, so my advice is strictly towards the premise "I need to get better at drumming with my feet, pronto!" Forgive me if I miss the point.

1. In a typical rock beat, the right-hand hi-hat/ride cymbal is the real motor as far as a beginning drummer's concerned. You're going to be laying down constant 8ths with your right hand. Your goal is to not even think about this, just keep it steady.
2. Practice a core rock beat anywhere you've got a spare moment. Think of it as the "We Will Rock You" beat: two eighths on the kick, backbeat, all the while keeping your right hand going. You'll know it when it sounds right, but here's the pattern, where Foot=F, L=Left hand (snare), R=Right hand (hat): (F+R), (F+R), (L+R), (R), and repeat
3. For the time being, we're going to assume that as you count these patterns in 4, you'll almost always hit the foot on 1 and the left hand on 2 & 4, but what happens in between will vary. In real patterns, you'll very rarely hit snare and kick together, so let's discount those as well.
4. You want to practice different combinations of these as a prelude to just hearing what you want and doing it, without even thinking about what it's built out of.
5. When you get lost, it's like falling off the merry go round --don't bother chasing the spinning wheel, just stop, re-orient, and get ready to hop back on the next downbeat.
6. The following exercise will give you some common 2-beat 8th-note patterns that follow the assumptions above (I've broken this into bars of 2/4 to show each pattern individually):

RF R RL R
RF RF RL R
RF R RL RF
RF RF RL RF
RF RF RL RL
RF RL RL RF
RF R RL RL
RF RL RL RL

Good luck,

C

---

Good Job you two…. The game forces what one on my other buddies calls an “open handed” technique so I’m switching Cody’s R and L, but that is a great example that I shall diligently practice this week in preparation for our European tour… :) by the way… if you guys get a chance throw in “Run to the Hills” by Iron Maiden and check out the drum line… it’s unfair. :)

Excellent work you two… we are all the way through the medium level and are prepping to go to the hard level, which if you’ve youtubed it is basically impossible… still can’t play “Run to the Hills” or “Won’t Get Fooled Again” by The Who…. But we’ve been lucky with the song selection so far…

Scott

Why bother?

(message received from GarageBand.com reviewer)



"hi cody weathers, you don't know me and i don't know you. i reviewed one of yours and you reviewed one of mine.anyways, right now i'm at a crossroads and seeking your opinion before i choose a path. right now, i usually spend 20 minutes or so on each review in order to give the band some critical feedback. But then usually when i get reviews it's only 15 words long and it's some vague platitude with no real meaning. it's something like "cool tune, i like the guitars during certain parts." and that's it. i really can't use that for anything. i would rather someone tell me to redo the chorus or add something that i never thought of.anyways, i wrote you because i usually read your reviews of songs because they are great. and i'm wondering why you continue to produce indepth reviews when it would be so easy just to write down 2 sentences about nothing. i'm sorry i rant too much. let me know what you think."




(my reply)


Wow. You and I should go bowling. Naturally, I share your frustration with at least 50% of the reviews I receive. They remind me of haiku day in third grade with a bunch of grudging 8-year- olds finger-tallying their way through the requisite syllables in hopes of an early recess. I guess that for me, it's a matter of professional pride and the benefit of analysis that keeps me writing critique-style reviews rather than the vague platitudes you mention. If I'm going to do this at all, I want to do it as well as I'm capable of rather than embarass myself with an obvious lack of effort. But more importantly, I've really liked thinking critically about the true roots of my initial reactions to the material I hear, and forcing myself to justify and cite specific examples of problems or strengths. As I continue to listen to these songs, I feel that I'm becoming a stronger producer, and the patterns of my complaint and praise make me think very concretely about how I'll approach my own projects in the future. I hope you keep fighting the good fight. Cody

Does the dude write about anything besides GarageBand.com?

It's official: in the past year, my daughters have written more songs than me. With the addition of "Babies and Boy Babies" (Babies and boy babies/Bouncing down the sidewalk/If you see a baby here/Turn it to your finger painting" (C)2008, Cara Weathers, all rights reserved) and "Hello" (Hello/Goodbye/Button (C)2008, Hadley Weathers, all rights reserved), the girls have outdistanced me by at least a half-dozen works. And all of their songs have that elusive je ne sais quoi of snappy, catchy infectiousness that makes me simultaneously beam with pride and hang my head in shame.


Meanwhile, I've been chipping away at not one, but two albums for two whole years. Since releasing Least Significant Failures, I've been promising Cat I'd finish up the latest Sunhouse Branch album, Cinema, and simultaneously claiming to Eric that I'd soon be done writing for my own new hard rock album, Haardvark. "What crap give I about thy 'magined toils/Hast not a fool a scepter for his dungslough?" asked my good pal, Billy Shakespeare. Well put, I must admit. Nonetheless, here's the skinny on the dung I'm currently slinging:

CINEMA: This is the second Sunhouse Branch album, a side-project experimental hard-rock album cowritten by Cat Mayhugh and myself. If you like Werner Herzog, odd meter, or confusing backstories, this is a must-listen for 2008ish. Right now, I'm done with the vocals, guitars, drums, and bass for all but two of the songs. This should be release-ready this calendar year.

HAARDVARK: Under tremendous pressure from Eric, I've been nagged into writing my own new hard rock album. I have about 15 songs written, but nothing yet recorded. Cat has, however, made a kick-ass album cover in his current oeuvre, and Eli Castillo (who did the photos and layout for Least Significant Failures) has agreed in principle to take some kick-ass photos of me for the interior. So the album cover is very much on track. The album itself is arguably less so.

Oh crap, I wrote essentially the same optimistic progress report last yearish in Memphis Evans' interview of me ([Part I][Part II]).

Jonatha Brooke Wants To Be My Friend

I first stumbled across Jonatha Brooke at a listening station in the now-defunct Sound Warehouse chain in Denver in 1995. I played the first few tracks of Plumb and was interested enough to buy the album. This was back when I was still steadfastly clinging to the notion that I didn't need to own a CD player, so I actually bought it on cassette. Incidentally, that embarassing anecdotal display of naive technological anti-savvy has nothing to do with the fact that it has taken me however many years to set up a MySpace page, or my continuing failure to post videos of any kind over on Youth Tube despite the sensible urgings of my technological betters to do so. I am merely convinced that those fads will fade shortly after I bother getting around to it, so you know, two kids, mortgage, why bother? One of these days, I'm going to be so right about that, and that's the day the funny face you're making will tragically freeze that way. Incidentally, financial tip: it looks to me like a good time to buy real estate or REIT shares. In any event, to this day, that remains one of my favorite albums (though now on CD), growing stronger in my mind with each listen, and I've been a big fan of hers ever since.


And amazingly, the very first thing that happened when I set this page up last year was that I received the second most exciting email I've ever gotten, next to the opportunity I seized to help a desperate Nigerian diplomat flee his war-torn country and the certain cruel doom that surely awaited him for but 500 of my hard-earned ruples. "Jonatha Brooke wants to be your friend." I enthusiastically approved her and awaited the first of our many inevitable compadre-to-compadre chit-chats.

Alas, as you already knew at least one paragraph ago, Jonatha was no Nigerian diplomat, and her friendship was not as it first seemed.

Indeed, I got the distinct impression that ours was a one-way relationship, existing only to allow her to inundate me with impersonal marketing posts. Can you imagine?! I know! I can't either! I'm so incredibly indignant, I just may need to utilize an emoticon on this surly occasion! And normally, I'm just like Jon Bon Jovi --a manly chiseled stone of iconless emotions. But not today!

When I first set up this MySpace page, being the naivenik that I am, I imagined that my friends would be MyFriends and that MyNewFriends would be my new friends. Of course, everybody but me understands the difference between "My Friends" and "MyFriends." When I was in elementary school, Chuckie Kapelke was my friend, but surprisingly, my Greatest American Hero lunch box was not immediately full of impersonal advertisements about his new lemonade stand. Then again, that could be because I forgot to thank him for the add.

Well, there were only two sensible options at my disposal: I could either go off the Andy Rooney deep end, bestrew my desk with garbage (or as my wife would say, more garbage), and start in with the non-stop grumbling OR --and you can see it's a big "or"-- I could take this high road I've heard so much about and convert MyFriend into my friend.

So when for just about the first time ever, Jonatha played a show closer to me than Dublin or Amsterdam (apparently her listserv monitor believes that I hail from Dover, not Denver, and now live in Portsmouth, not Portland), the wife and I went down, saw her play, and met her. As you can see, we are clearly actual friends at this point.

The end result of all of this hoo-ha is that I've decided not to accept any friends with whom I have had some actual connection. So in looking at my short list of MyBuddies, you can rest assured that each of them represents someone who I think is worth checking out. Or something like that. I don't know. I've been futzing with how to wrap up this stupid blog post for like six months, and I give up. Hooray, I got a C+!!!!

Mad About "Mad About You"

Good news, you faithful readers, you! After two arduous months of review and old-school finaglery, "Mad About You" has made it through to round 2 of the current GarageBand.com contest and been selected as "Track of the Day" for 9/16/07. In layman's terms, this means that among jaded wannabe rockstars like myself, one of my songs has been judged to be definitively not the worst song they've ever heard. Does it get any better than this? I ask you, does it? I tell you it does not. No wait, that sounds sad. It definitely does get better than this, but I remain enthusiastic about this message and my life in general. Seriously, get juiced, this is a big day for us all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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5 recent reviewer picks of mine:

• Get To You Muzzy Luctin, Hard Rock
• Sirens Dash Reflex, Rock
• Man in the Cold Steph MacLeod, Acoustic (as well as his other songs "Circles" and "Breaking Out")
• Golden Gate Likely Stories, Acoustic Jazz-rock
• Fragile Things The Two-Time Jimmy, Rock

How to get a 5-star review

Well, today is my lucky day, for I am the proud author of a GarageBand.com Review of the Day. In honor of this glorious occasion, I've decided to update my shiny blog toy. No, Mommy, it is my favorite toy, and you may not sell my blog at our garage sale. I love my blog. See, I'm playing with it right now. Right now, Mommy.

Some general guidelines on how to get a favorable review from me on GarageBand.com:

Don't worry about style: I try to use Roger Ebert's famous philosophy (paraphrased poorly here) and judge the overall work in the context of what it set out to achieve. Nothing worse than a reviewer who says "I don't like [STYLE], so this didn't really work for me. Everything was too [HALLMARK TRAIT OF STYLE] for my liking."

Everyone starts with a three: I start off with the assumption that the song will be a three-star review. The artist can improve or wither from there.

Singers: I expect singers to hit their notes. Extra credit for emotion. Extra credit for technique. Points off for rhythmic difficulties, particularly for being the weak link in the groove. Most points off for sour pitch.

Groove: I expect the song to be more or less in time. I won't sit there with a metronome checking it, but I shouldn't feel the pulse drag or rush except where by clear design. Extra credit for tightness (everything lines up). Extra credit for nuances of feel (laying back, etc). Extra credit for keeping it tight, but getting creative with it. Points off for misbangs (notes that miss the cue). Points off for rushing and dragging. Maximum points off for dropped beats.

Instruments: I expect everyone to be in tune and have a basic command of their instrument. Extra credit for creativity. Extra credit for interacting well with other instruments. Extra credit for virtuosity. Extra points for building momentum over the arc of the song. Points off for flubs. Points off for noticeably poor technique. Points off for flatline performances that are the same from start to finish.

Writing: This is the most subjective aspect of my review, but I try to be fair and not rely purely on my own preferences. I expect the design to be evident. It doesn't have to fit a template, but I need to sense the mastery of decision-making. Extra points for taking care. Extra points for catchy melodies. Extra points for interesting chord changes. Extra points for perceptive or compelling words. Extra points for surprises. Super extra points if the lyrics, melody, and chords are all clicking. Points off for lyrics that draw attention to their awkwardness. Points off for melodies that cling to one note for lack of trying. Points off for melodies that don't fit the scale of the chords in songs that are otherwise very conventional --those that are likely mistakes or failures to write a typically-tonal melody rather than a band that clearly experiments with polytonality. Points off for songs where neither the lyric nor the music remains interesting for the duration of the song (in my view, at least one thing has to compel the listener to finish the song).

Recording Quality: Although I write about it extensively in my reviews, this aspect matters the least to actual scoring for me. It is, after all, GarageBand.com. Nonetheless, I expect that every song will be listenable. Points off for terrible noise issues. Points off for key elements which are literally inaudible (e.g., the recording is a handheld tape recorder in someone's bedroom, and all I can make out is the guitar because it's right next to the mic and the singer is eight feet away, getting his Norah Jones on....) I don't really give extra credit in this category, except for especially creative recording techniques. I'll give a good review to a terrible recording of a good song and performance. However, I would never give a great-sounding recording of a ho-hum song five stars.

One Star (6% of my reviews): Nothing important is working or something is failing so spectacularly that it doesn't matter what the status of anything else is. Or plagiarism. I give one star for plagiarism. It's one of my kooky rules.

Two Stars (17% of my reviews): One or more big problems or lots of little ones without enough extra credit to offset.

Three Stars (28% of my reviews): The default. An equal mix of small strengths and weaknesses with nothing great enough to elevate it to a four and nothing terrible enough to sink it to a two.

Four Stars (30% of my reviews): I'm very enthusiastic about the song, but there are a couple problems that stand out. Typically, you can't break my four-star barrier on performance alone --the song has to have some merit. But a great song with noticeable performance problems will not get more than four stars from me.

Five Stars (19% of my reviews): Great performance of a great song. Recording quality may be in any tolerable ballpark, by which I mean that home studio efforts qualify so long as they emulate the typical standards and practices of professional recordings (basic stuff). I would accept a live recording, and in theory I would accept a scratch demo, if the artist had positioned everything just right so that the song was clearly audible and the recording didn't get in the way. I have to feel like it has tremendous potential right away to get somebody signed or licensed.

Five of my favorite five-star reviews:

• A little grit on something great
• Rousing and feral
• Tight, tight, aaaaaaaaannnd tight
• Interesting to the last
• Laying way back

Is it really a battle of wits if you're beating down some sort of abusive Czech ELIZA?

My Review:

Ripping off Annie Lennox ("Always and Forever" Minus0)
Well, to start off, the entire first verse plagiarizes Annie Lennox's "Legend In My Living Room" (second verse) word for word (see http://www.80smusiclyrics.com/songs/Legend_In_My_Living_Room.htm).  And it's not as if it's a cover, somehow ignorantly violating GarageBand.com policy --these are stolen lyrics misappropriated into some terrible listless spiral.  Do I really have to go on?  Even were it not for this offensive outright theft, this song has got problems.  The singer is wandering in a haze and the melody has no center.  The backup vocals are out of phase.  There's no dynamic shape to this extended dramatic whisper.  In a normal review, I might mention that the chord changes show some potential, but given the exposed crooked moral compass, who knows where those really came from.  Can these guys write at all?

From the "band"


Yes......... we can write...and its not rip off you moron!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And my reply:

Actually, what you've done is the very definition of "rip off." As I very specifically cite in my review, you STOLE words from an Annie Lennox song and tried to pass them as YOURS, copyright 2007 Z. Mesic and everything. I have reported you for doing so to the administrators of this site, and since your action is a clear-cut violation not only of copyright law, but also the specific policies of GarageBand, I'd be shocked if your account didn't get revoked.

And what's worse, not only did you steal the words, but you wasted the theft in a terrible song. I'm normally very civil in my reviews, but in your particular case, I have absolutely no qualms about lambasting you and your ethics.

Reading back over your email, it occurs to me that maybe I'm just talking over your head. Let me try it in your own brilliant writing style:

No......... you can't write...and it's rip off you thief!!!!!!!!!!!

His reply:

ha ha ha ha............
you're so funny....looser!!!!!!!!!!!

And mine:

Glat to se yu hafent losed yur sens if humir. Lern tu spel, insidintli. Kent weet fur yu tu skwez in de lest werd. I espeshally luv how yu dunt feal ani ned to defind ur yoos uf somun eles werds or efen iknelege it hapind et al. Praps ur difins cud bi det yu sikikli chaniled hur unwitenlee. Wed yur witt, yoo jes mit git of der huk!

And finally:

POPUSI MI KURAC!!!!
NOW WHAT THE HELL JUST DID I SAY TO YOU...
WELL, IF YOU'RE SMRAT ENOUGH YOU'LL FIND OUT!!!!AGAIN LOOSER!!!

Or maybe just one more from me:
zloděj (thief)

Listening to [Blank]

Recently, my friend Siri made me wise to the hipster phenomenon known as GarageBand.com. Because that's how I do it over here in the marketing department --I adopt a philosophy of many foreign words, laissez-faire, zen, holistic, bibbity-bobbity-boo. You get the point. Just as I still have no idea how to blog, I remain doggedly convinced that the internet is comprised of BBS Dungeons & Dragons games played on message boards (in Tokyo, John Fried hopefully just wet himself --THE SHAME!). Anyhoo, I count on you, my fan(s), to appraise me of the marketing potential of this, the international net. Now pardon me while I adjust my monacle and de-scuff my bowler.


The toll for having my songs posted on said website is that I must review fifteen pairs of songs (you know.... 30) for each song that I wish to submit into contests and the review queue. Needless to say, I have been reviewing pairs of songs by the Winchester bushel. Only 5 stones of pairs of songs more and I'll have all four and a half pairs of songs I uploaded entered into the contest!

The GarageBand review process is straightforward: I listen to the song, draft a short review, give the song a 1-5 star rating, and pick which member of the pair I preferred. Most songs are decent, but not great, and my ratings seem to fall into a normal bell curve.

I've been primarily reviewing either acoustic or hard rock tracks, and here are the best songs I've heard in each category (in no particular order). You can consider this my stamp of approval.

Hard Rock:

• "Down" Ground Mower
  
• "In Your Wake" Bipolar
  
• "Reanea" Rejn
  
• "The Bitter End" 17th Parallel
  

Acoustic:

• "Wish I Was Here" John Pippus
  
• "Rain" Minor Prophet
  
• "Petals" Debra Fitzsimmons
  
• "Tears on Tarmac" Dusty Colours
  

So this blog won't really let me plug those into the "Listening To" blank, but you and I will know the truth --I'm on GarageBand.com, reviewing away.

Feel free to remember that my CD is downloadable from iTunes for 5 pairs of dollars, and it is --by many standards-- a fine choice to fill in the "Listening To" blank. If it lets you.